To the Perfectionist...

"At its root, perfectionism isn't really about a deep love of being meticulous. It's about fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success." - Michael Law

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If you are at all like me, you feel a constant desire to be excellent, but sometimes that desire becomes overwhelming. As time passes, you find yourself with an exorbitant need to surpass excellence and reach for perfection. Next thing you know, you struggle to find the perfect solution to every problem and to always do the right thing. You try to perfect yourself before committing to anything and feel utterly exposed if someone finds a flaw. Finally, you realize your excessive drive for excellence has long been overshadowed by a drive for perfection. I never realized I had become a perfectionist until someone stopped and said it blankly to my face. I have heard people call it by many different names - over achieving, meticulous, or "doing it right." For some reason, the idea of calling perfectionism by a another name keeps us from feeling guilty for committing it. Perfectionism hides itself in my different crevices - appearance, school, work, relationships, motherhood, and home making - but no matter how it surfaces, we are afraid to point it out. We don't want to admit that something has more control over our lives than we do.

Perfectionism is a cruel master. No matter how hard you try, perfectionism is never satisfied, and it continues to ask for more. You become easily enslaved to its ever-changing laws and expectations. It's a constant whiplash across your back leaving wounds and scares to remind you of your imperfections. Every day, it tells you that you'll never be good enough.
Perfectionism is driven by fear, not excellence. The perfectionist is afraid to fail, to succeed, to be vulnerable, to be real; the list goes on. I think the worst part is that it holds you back from achieving all you're called to do. Perfectionism keeps you chained to the idea that you can attain the impossible. Instead of living in the freedom of being you, you keep beating yourself to try and be something you can never become.

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I think it's important to point out that perfection, at least in this world, doesn't actually exist. Every time we strive to be perfect, we fail. It's an impossible task. In a strange way, trying to be perfect is really just another  way of punishing ourselves. In some cases, I think people enjoying being perfectionists. By being a perfectionist, you are able to admit your shortcomings and point out your flaws before anyone else does. It secludes you from the truth others have to offer and protects you from feeling you are a failure to others. You always disappoint yourself before anyone else can feel disappointed. For some reason, we believe it would be better to scold ourselves then to hear loving correction from a friend or family member.

As often as you hide from correction, you also seclude yourself from receiving encouragement.

I often let my struggle for perfection keep me from accomplishing anything. It could be that I don't want to turn in an assignment, make a recipe, volunteer at my church, or encourage a friend. Even now, as I'm writing this blog, I'm wondering if I'm communicating well, using proper grammar, or if I should even post this. Instead of trying to do something, I end up doing nothing. Don't let perfectionism keep you from achieving that which you love and were created to do. I've learned, often the hard way, that it's better to run the race than not start at all. Which is better, to finish the race in fifth place or to never cross the starting line? If you do run the race, don't make perfection the motivation. If perfection is the goal of running, it will steal away the joy of finishing. As long as you give it your best, it doesn't matter if you finish in first place. You can't wait to become perfect. If you do, you will never go anywhere.

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Stop believing the lies perfectionism tells you.

I know the lies are hard to ignore. You constantly hear you're not good enough, you won't amount to anything, you'll never accomplish your dreams, no one will like you, and no one will ever appreciate your work. If you believe the lies perfectionism tells you, you will become its slave. The only person expecting you to be perfect is you. Don't serve your perfectionist ideals. No one is perfect. We aren't a production line of unblemished people who can be recalled and returned because of a flaw. We are all created to be different. We are all unique individuals because of our strengths and our mistakes. Don't let the pursuit of perfectionism destroy who you are and what you were created for. If you do, you rob us all from enjoying the unique individual that you are.

Everyone can try to be perfect, but you are the only one who can be you.

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities  For when I am weak, then I am strong."

- II Corinthians 12:9-10 (ESV)

Dove Days

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

James 1:2-4   ESV

We all face trials in life. They are an inevitable part of living that everyone must go through. Trials may come in the form of frustration, irritation, financial hardship, relational problems, a broken heart, discouragement, rejection, transition, anger, hopelessness, or fear. No matter what form they take, we have to continue to press on, press forward, and press through.

You may be wondering why I am talking about trials on a page called "Dove Days." I promise; I have a point. Several years back, during a strenuous time in my life, I created something I like to call "Dove Days." It sounds silly, I know, but it has been a way for me to process through frustrations and reconcile difficulties that I have faced.

The process of a Dove Day goes like this. When you feel overwhelmed by a problem, go quickly and find a dear friend. (I've found that friends of the same gender work best in this case, though spouses take a close second.) Go to the store and purchase a bag of Dove chocolate singles. It can be any kind of chocolate you prefer: dark, milk, raspberry swirls, with almonds, or with caramel. Once you have bought the chocolate, pick a place that you find most comforting or calming. It can be a coffee shop, your room, a park, beside a fire, or by the lake. Just choose whatever works for you. At this point, sit down with your friend (or walk if you prefer) and vent. Let everything out. Whatever may bothering you, share it all. Release all the emotion, frustration, anger, and confusion you may be feeling. Once you have shared everything, open the bag of chocolate, and enjoy.

Each Dove single is not only wrapped in tin foil, but it is also wrapped in a promise. As you and your friend open each chocolate, read the promise out loud. Think of each statement as a promise to help you work through your problem. Now, let me be clear that I am in no way superstitious. I don't believe these little tin foil trifles to be some form of fortune telling. These Dove promises are, however, a silly way to find fun, hope, love, and laughter in the most troubling situations. Instead of focusing on the challenge, they challenge you to shift your attention to something as lighthearted as a Dove promise. The chocolates are simply used as a transition. They force you to move on. This gives the chance for hope to grow while hopelessness dies. Not only do you get to eat chocolate, but you get to enjoy the smiles and company of a compassionate friend. Dove Days are an opportunity to lean on a friend, share a sorrow, share a smile, make a memory, and move forward. That is the key. 

That is why this page is called Dove Days. They are special moments devoted to fighting through hardship. Dove Days force you to face your problems, lean on a friend, and let hope grow in your heart. From this point on, this page will be dedicated to addressing all sorts of topics regarding trials. Until then, if you are facing adversity, grab a friend, and give Dove Days a try.